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CD-1 [CD-2 CD-3]
1
You must do something!
Baby is coming!
2
Yeah. I know baby is coming!
3
Miss, you've to stay calm
and take deep breaths, okay?
4
Myra, I need a doctor here
right now.
5
I am working on it.
6
You're not a doctor?
7
No, I am a nurse.
8
You are man
and you are nurse?
9
What kind of man is nurse?
10
Look, folks,
I'm a professional, okay?
11
I know exactly what I'm doing,
so just trust me,
12
everything's going to be fine,
all right?
13
Okay.
Yeah.
14
Yeah. You're fully dilated.
15
Hey, I need that doctor
right now.
16
There are no free doctors.
17
Nurse, you're gonna have
to deliver that baby yourself.
18
I can see the head!
19
Holy shit!
20
Check it out.
21
We did it.
22
We had a boy.
23
A boy. You are my hero.
24
Mmm-hmm.
25
I name baby for you.
26
Oh! You don't have to do that.
27
Yeah. I must.
It is Latvian tradition.
28
We'll name the baby...
29
Hello, you've reached the Fockers.
30
We're not around, so leave
us a message. Goodbye.
31
Roz, how the hell
do you shut this thing off?
32
I have no idea.
Just press a button.
33
I'm pretty sure it's off.
34
Honey,
you want a chimichanga?
35
I thought they gave you gas.
36
A little bit,
but it's worth it.
37
Worth it for you, but I'm
the one that gets the fumes.
38
Honey, I'm in the mood
for a chimichanga.
39
So make a--
40
Hi, guys, it's me.
41
Dad, I told you
six months ago
42
you have to change
that message.
43
Anyway, I'm just calling
to double check
44
'cause I didn't hear
back from you.
45
You know that Pam and I are
flying out to Oyster Bay today.
46
And, then, we're flying to
Miami tomorrow with the Byrneses.
47
And our flight gets in 7:30,
48
so we should be
at the house around 9:00.
49
So just give me a call
back on my cell, okay?
50
'Cause I want to go over
a few things
51
about Pam's dad and just, uh,
52
just some other stuff
for the weekend.
53
All right. I Love you, bye.
Hey!
54
Hey, sweetie.
How was your shift?
55
Oh! Guess what?
What?
56
I delivered my first baby.
57
No way.
58
Mmm. Yeah.
59
Oh, honey,
I'm so proud of you.
60
It was incredible.
I mean, just--
61
Just to be pulling
this Life force
62
out of this woman's...
63
You know, I mean,
it was just so-- It was...
64
The whole baby thing is--
It's so cool.
65
That's great, honey.
That's great.
66
So, uh, are you ready to go? I
want to get to the airport early.
67
I know.
Just give me a second.
68
You know how things
always goes wrong.
69
The flight leaves
in four hours.
70
I wish we could set
a wedding date
71
without our parents
actually having to meet.
72
Honey, this weekend
is gonna be fine.
73
And your parents are great.
74
Oh, they're great
in small doses.
75
Well, 48 hours in Coconut
Grove is a small dose.
76
Besides, you've already
won over my dad,
77
and that is the hard part.
78
Mmm. That is true.
79
I mean, I am still in the Byrnes
family circle of trust, right?
80
You're firmly in the circle.
81
Finally.
82
Oh, taxi!
83
Going to the airport?
84
Yeah.
85
Take mine.
86
Great.
87
Nice guy.
Yeah.
88
You two, you're up.
89
Oh, dear.
90
What?
91
Well, they overbooked coach.
92
So what does that mean?
93
Do we miss our flight or...
94
Well, we are gonna have to
upgrade you to first class.
95
Really?
96
Thank you.
97
Oh! Sir, why don't you
let me take that for you?
98
Okay, yeah.
99
So, uh, you wanna check it
or put it on another flight
100
'cause that's cool,
whatever you want to do.
101
I'm just gonna store it
in the Captain's closet.
102
That was nice.
103
Yeah.
104
Champagne?
105
Thank you.
106
Champagne, sir?
107
Thank you.
108
Enjoy.
109
Would you like to purchase
rental insurance, Mr. Focker?
110
Um...
111
No. Thanks.
112
No?
113
It's a scam.
114
That's how they
make all their money.
115
That's true.
You don't need it.
116
Get out of here.
117
The House of Byrnes.
118
Lot of good memories here.
119
Mom? Dad?
120
I am watching you.
121
Well, almost,
122
but you have to do it
with two fingers.
123
One on each eye like this:
124
I am watching you.
125
We'll get back to that later.
126
Guess who's here?
127
It's Prof. Einstein.
128
Hi, Little Jack.
129
You're a genius.
130
I see a Nobel Prize
in your future.
131
Yes, I do.
132
Study break, boys.
Company's here.
133
Pamcake!
134
Flapjack!
135
Shortstack, shortstack coming up!
136
Put some syrup
in the cup.
137
Pa, pa, pa, pa,
pa, pa, pa.
138
That's how it goes, right?
139
That's okay, Greg.
140
Nice to see you.
Yes.
141
Nice to see you, Grandpa.
142
My God.
How did my nephew get so big?
143
Look at you.
144
You look just
like your mommy.
145
He does, doesn't he?
146
Hey. Hey. This is Greg.
147
Remember
we talked about him?
148
Hey.
149
Sorry, Greg.
150
The card only
comes in one gender.
151
Oh! Yeah.
Now, that's-- that's all right.
152
He's taking you in.
153
He has a very keen sense
for people, Greg.
154
Mmm.
155
He's a chip
off the old block, huh?
156
We might have another CIA man
on our hands here.
157
I'd be discreet about my
profession, Greg, if I were you.
158
You know what I mean?
159
As far as your parents are
concerned, I'm still a horticulturist.
160
Hey, why is Little Jack here?
161
Are Deb and Bob house-sitting,
while we're in Florida?
162
No, they're in Ko Saimii,
Thailand.
163
Checking on the clinic they
opened during their honeymoon.
164
What is all this stuff, anyway?
165
After Denny was
sent away to military school,
166
your father turned this
into a learning laboratory
167
for you-know-who over there.
168
And do you talk yet,
Mr. Munchkinhead?
169
Greg, Greg, Greg. Don't infantilize
him. Talk to him like an adult.
170
Muskrat.
171
Huh?
172
Muskrat, Jack.
All right.
173
Just try to understand
he's a little person.
174
His communication skills
aren't verbal yet,
175
but he understands.
Observe.
176
L.J., are you hungry?
177
Oh, wow.
178
Look at that.
179
''I would like to
eat more please.''
180
''I'd like a nap,
181
and then later
I'll enjoy a nice poop.''
182
Oh, yeah. I've heard about
this, this baby signing stuff.
183
This is like cutting edge.
Like... Yeah.
184
Well, at this age, Greg,
his mind is like a sponge.
185
Look, when he reaches
your age, for example,
186
his mind will be
far less capable
187
of absorbing
useful information.
188
So cute.
Hey, can I hold him?
189
Oh, I-- I don't think
that's such a good idea, Greg.
190
Muskrat.
191
Uh...
192
All right, all right.
193
This is Greg.
194
Greg will not drop you,
okay?
195
Okay.
Be careful.
196
Hello. Oh! Hello.
197
Hey.
198
I think he likes me.
199
No?
200
Ow!
201
Oh, shit!
202
Focker. He's absorbing
you like a sponge.
203
I don't want the first word
out of his mouth
204
to be a profanity.
205
It's okay. It's okay.
206
Cover your nose.
You're terrifying him.
207
Focker!
208
It's cool that your dad is
so into being a grandparent.
209
Yeah, I guess so.
It kinda freaks my mom out.
210
She says he spends every
last second with that kid.
211
Oh, my God.
212
Daddy?
213
Wow.
214
Daddy, what is this thing?
215
It's a custom-designed,
216
climate-controlled
motor coach.
217
Jack calls it the
Highlight of our Twilight.
218
Wow. This is incredible.
219
Isn't it?
220
Yeah.
221
Ooh! Like a tank.
222
Well, in these
uncertain times, Greg,
223
I opted for
a Kevlar-reinforced hull
224
with two-inch thick
plexiglas windows,
225
just like
the ones they design on
226
the Russian Widowmaker
submarines.
227
I want you to conduct
a field test for us, Greg.
228
I want you to demonstrate
229
the impregnable outer skin
of the coach.
230
Throw it at the window.
231
Oh.
232
Jack, I'm not gonna--
233
I'm not gonna throw a brick
at your window.
234
It's a simple demonstration.
235
No, I'd-- I'd really
rather not. Throw the brick.
236
Okay.
Great.
237
Just...
238
All your might.
239
All right.
240
Don't worry, your rental
insurance should take care of it.
241
You all right? What happened?
242
Come on,
243
we'll call a tow truck
from the road.
244
Road?
245
Yeah.
We're driving this to Miami.
246
I thought we were-- I thought
we were, we're flying tomorrow.
247
No, No. Airline travel
being what it is these days,
248
so unreliable,
249
I'll feel
much more comfortable
250
knowing I have my own
Posturepedic bed,
251
my own thermostat,
my own lavatory facility.
252
Uh-huh. So-- so we're all
going to be in this together?
253
We hit the road
in exactly seven minutes,
254
27 seconds.
255
This way we'll get in early,
256
spend an extra half day
with your parents,
257
getting to know them.
258
Isn't that great?
259
That is great.
260
Worth it for you but I'm
the one that gets the fumes.
261
Honey, I'm in
the mood for a chimichanga.
262
So make a--
263
Hey, guys, uh, it's me.
264
Listen, I'm getting a little worried.
I haven't heard back from you.
265
Hope you got the message. There's
been a little change of plans.
266
We're gonna be, uh,
coming down in Jack's RV now,
267
so we'll be arriving
tomorrow afternoon,
268
not tomorrow night.
269
Okay? Tomorrow afternoon.
270
And, also, uh,
271
they're bringing
their little grandson,
272
so, uh, he's like a baby.
273
So... I don't know.
274
Oh, welcome aboard,
me hearties.
275
Hey, this is incredible.
276
Yes, it's as big
as our apartment.
277
Pretty neat, huh?
278
Hey!
279
Mr. Jinx finally learned
how to flush the toilet, huh?
280
Yeah. Jack installed
a special flusher,
281
and he learnt how to do that
in about two days.
282
Right, Jack?
283
Hey there, Jinxy.
How you doing?
284
Ready to hit the road,
Co-Captain?
285
Wow! I'm the Co-Captain?
286
Let's set sail, sailor.
287
Good afternoon,
ladies and gentlemen.
288
This is
Captain Jack Byrnes speaking.
289
Yeah, Daddy!
290
A quick announcement.
291
As a courtesy
to your fellow passengers,
292
please remember
that the onboard lavatory
293
should be used
for number one only.
294
Should the need
for number two arise,
295
we'll stop at the nearest
rest stop, gas station,
296
or heavily wooded area.
297
Thank you. Welcome aboard.
298
I like that thing.
Hey, do you mind if I, uh,
299
make a little announcement?
300
Well...
301
Only the captain gets
to make an announcement.
302
You want to honk the horn?
303
Um... Sure.
304
Only the captain gets
to honk the horn.
305
Oh, look!
306
Hey, Jinxy, see that?
307
You hungry? Do you want some milk?
308
Hey! Jack?
309
Oh, she wants
you to honk the horn.
310
Not interested.
311
Rules of the road.
She honks, you honk.
312
Come on, Jack.
Come on. Give her a honk.
313
There you go.
314
It's like a team or something.
315
''Honk if your are horny.''
316
Thanks for that, Greg.
317
...for you but I'm
the one that gets the fumes.
318
Honey, I'm in
the mood for a chimichanga.
319
So make a--
320
Hey, there.
321
No hard feelings, all right?
322
Friends? What's that?
323
What're you saying?
324
Now, wait a minute.
What does this mean?
325
I know what this means.
326
Squeeze, squeeze, squeeze.
Oh, poop!
327
You got to poop, right?
Okay, good.
328
Thank you for warning me.
329
Everybody poops.
Sometimes it hurts.
330
It's okay.
Just let it come out.
331
What did you do, Focker?
332
Nothing. He...
I think he has to poop.
333
That's not the sign for poop.
334
That's the sign for milk.
335
This is the sign for poop.
336
Oh! What's the sign
for sour milk?
337
'Cause, uh
this tastes a little funky.
338
That's because it's from
Debbie's left breast, Greg.
339
Fortunately,
she pumped for a week
340
to give us
enough for the trip.
341
Okay,
snack pack for Little Jack.
342
What are you doing there?
343
Well, during
the breastfeeding stage, Greg,
344
infants can get
very confused and upset
345
when they're separated
from their mothers.
346
So I invented something
347
to ease L. J.'s anxiety
during chow time.
348
I call it the Mannary Gland.
349
I had it made
from an exact cast
350
of Debbie's left bosom.
351
Oh, yeah. Okay.
352
It's been so effective,
353
I'm thinking of
getting it patented.
354
Would you like to touch it?
355
Uh, I wouldn't.
356
Oh, come on,
feel how soft it is.
357
I can-- I can see
how soft it is from here.
358
No, feel it, Greg.
359
It's very--
It looks very--
360
Just feel the breast, Greg.
361
Just a...
362
Oh, watch the nipple.
Just around here.
363
Nipple is his.
364
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
365
It's got a great, lifelike,
and a...
366
Or what I would imagine
367
Debbie's breast might-- might
actually feel like.
368
Not that I would know.
369
Greg.
370
What?
371
Honey, you promised
372
you wouldn't take the boob out
in front of company.
373
It's nothing
to be ashamed of.
374
Breast-feeding is
perfectly natural.
375
Dad, that's not natural,
that's just weird.
376
As soon as
Little Jack's topped off,
377
we're gonna hit the road.
378
Oh!
379
Oh, Jack,
380
you can't drive
any more tonight.
381
Dr. Monroe said
no aggravating your sciatica.
382
Honey, we're on a very
precise schedule.
383
We bunk here tonight,
384
we hit horrendous traffic
in the morning.
385
Greg?
386
Yeah.
387
Maybe you could drive
the night shift.
388
I could do that.
389
I am the Co-Captain.
So, I think that falls
390
under my responsibilities, right? Yeah.
391
Keep her at 55, stay alert.
392
Yeah, yeah. I've been wanting to
get behind the wheel of this big boy.
393
You got it. Pass.
394
Sorry, got to go 55.
395
Captain Jack's orders.
396
Hmm.
397
Hey!
398
Would you like
some company, Greg?
399
Uh, yeah, sure.
400
If you can't sleep.
Go on. Have a seat.
401
How about a cappuccino?
402
Oh, you don't have to do that.
403
It's no problem for me.
404
Really? Yeah? Okay.
405
Dina!
406
Wake up and make
Greg a cappuccino!
407
Shake a leg, woman!
408
Jesus, Jack,
you know, I'm not that tired.
409
Really.
410
Relax, Greg. This cockpit's
completely soundproofed.
411
You should've seen the look
on your face.
412
Okay, okay.
413
You got me. That was--
That was a good one.
414
Yes, it was. Yes.
415
Mmm-hmm.
416
It's funny.
417
But you should never talk
to a woman like that,
418
you know that, Greg.
419
It's disrespectful.
420
Right, of course. Yeah.
421
Greg, a man reaches
a certain age
422
when he realizes
what's truly important.
423
Hmm-mmm.
424
You know what that is?
425
Love?
426
Friendship?
427
Enjoying the moment.
428
Living. Just love.
429
His legacy.
430
That, too. Right. Yeah. Sure.
431
Now, my grandson, Little Jack,
is part of that legacy.
432
In six months, you and Pam
are gonna be married.
433
Sometime after that,
434
you'll want to start
a family of your own.
435
Yeah. Right.
Actually, on the subject,
436
I had some thoughts
about the wedding date.
437
We'll discuss that later,
after this weekend, Greg.
438
Now, let's get back on point.
439
Let me put it very simply.
440
If your family circle
441
does indeed join
my family circle,
442
they'll form a chain.
443
I can't have a chink
in my chain.
444
Hmm.
445
Yeah. Okay.
I get the metaphor.
446
Now,
I've never met your parents,
447
so I'm not going to jump
to any hasty conclusions.
448
But, like studying
a frozen caveman,
449
if I can see
where you came from,
450
I'll have a much better idea
of where you're going.
451
Okay.
452
A- are you thinking
maybe my parents might be
453
like-- like a chink
in the chain or...
454
A doctor and a lawyer,
what's there to worry about?
455
Mmm-hmm.
456
Ooh, it seems very nice.
457
Is that your father?
458
That is my father.
459
Hey! There you are.
460
What the heck is
that contraption?
461
I thought you guys
were flying in tonight.
462
I left a message yesterday
We were driving--
463
Oh, I didn't get a message.
464
I left you like five messages.
465
Will you get over here
and plant one on me.
466
Talking about messages.
467
I've been waiting so long
to see you. My best buddy.
468
Good to see you.
469
Come here. Come here.
Oh, I missed you.
470
Is this not
the most handsome young man
471
you've ever seen
in your life?
472
I used to call him
a young Jewish Marlon Brando.
473
Huh?
474
Can you believe
475
I conceived him
with one testicle?
476
No, really. It's true.
477
I only have one because
the other never dropped.
478
It's called
an undescending testicle.
479
It's not uncommon,
but look at him.
480
Imagine what he would have
looked like if I had two.
481
That's a good icebreaker.
482
Whoa!
Ho!
483
There's the sexiest
second grade teacher
484
I've ever seen in my life.
485
That was a good one.
486
It gets her every time.
487
Goose bumps. She loves it.
488
I'm Dina Byrnes.
It's so nice to meet you.
489
The pleasure is all mine,
mon cheri.
490
You got to be the flower man.
491
That's right.
Jack Byrnes, Pam's father.
492
And I'm Bernard Focker,
Gaylord's father,
493
and we're all grownups here
and we shake hands like men.
494
All right.
495
Oh, we're just playing here.
496
Give me some love.
497
We're family now.
498
What're you so shy about?
Come here.
499
Oh, wow. Look at those pecs.
500
Wow! You're harder
than sheetrock.
501
Now tell me the truth.
502
You work out
with weights, right?
503
Well, I do
various callisthenics.
504
Some medicine-ball training,
I play bimonthly football.
505
Oh, footie-footie football?
506
I was just, uh,
practicing my Capoeira. What?
507
Oh, Capoeira. Yeah.
508
The Brazilian martial art
of dance fighting. Yes.
509
He knows what that is. Yeah.
510
You know,
I've been doing it for weeks.
511
I'm really into it.
512
It keeps me level.
513
Because sometimes
I get wound up so tight,
514
I could just snap.
515
You know what I mean?
516
What is that?
What is that?
517
Is there a baby on board?
518
That's a baby. Yes, yes.
519
Yeah. Hmm-mmm.
It was all in the message.
520
Hey, Moses, go ahead,
521
say hello to
your future in-laws.
522
No, no, he's harmless.
523
And yeah, fixed.
Moses.
524
That's all right.
525
Just shake him off.
526
Oh, no. Don't shake.
He likes the shaking.
527
Moses, get off!
528
No, don't worry. The pink
part didn't get on you.
529
Moses, go, get
in your basket. Go!
530
He's all talk.
531
Who's this little guy?
532
This is our grandson,
Little Jack.
533
Oh, little baby.
534
How are you,
Little Jack?
535
Hey, Dad, don't-- don't--
don't infantilize him.
536
Just talk to him
like a person.
537
What are you talking about?
He's a baby.
538
I want to talk to him
like he's a baby.
539
Bazooka! Bazooka!
540
He likes me.
541
When Roz's dad died, I said:
542
''Hey, we're freezing our
tushies off here in Detroit.''
543
You know, ''Let's head south
544
and get some year-round fun
in the sun.''
545
This house is
over a 100 years old, so--
546
Dad. Dad,
you continue the tour.
547
I'm gonna tell Mom
we're here, okay?
548
Oh! The upstairs bathroom
is on el fritzo.
549
So we're all gonna have to
share this one for now.
550
Since there's a water scarcity
on the island,
551
we kind of abide by the
''if it's yellow let it mellow,
552
if it's brown
flush it down'' policy.
553
Oops. Forgot my own rule.
554
The RV has paid
for itself already.
555
All right, kids.
556
Forward and backward.
557
Rotate those hips.
558
Let's get your
kundalini rising.
559
And now it's time
for the ladies
560
to get into the reverse
cowgirl position.
561
Guys, you have to
lie across the Liberator pad
562
like so.
563
Everyone look at
how Ira's doing it.
564
Bingo. Bango. Bungo.
565
The man is loose, he's limber
and he's ready for action.
566
So, climb aboard, girls,
567
and let me hear
your bodies talk.
568
Ooh!
569
Whoa! Yes!
570
This position is terrific
571
for anyone with osteoporosis,
gout or goiter.
572
Stay with me, kids.
We're almost done.
573
Ah! Honey!
574
Oh! All right, guys.
575
We have to wrap it up.
Everyone.
576
Remember to take
your Liberator pads.
577
And don't forget to stretch
before you try this at home.
578
We don't want anyone
shattering a pelvis.
579
Hello, my precious.
580
Oh, I love you so much.
581
I haven't seen
my bubeleh in months.
582
Honey, you feel thin.
No, no.
583
You're not eating.
What's the matter?
584
No. I'm fine. Mom, how do we explain
all these people to the Byrneses?
585
Honey, they're leaving. The
Byrneses won't know they were here.
586
Okay. We agreed to be discreet about
you being a sex therapist this weekend
587
until you got to know
Jack and Dina better. Right?
588
Don't worry. I'll be discreet.
I put all my toys away.
589
And my office is all ready
for them to sleep in.
590
Your office? No, no.
we're putting them upstairs.
591
Your father thought they'd be
more comfortable down here.
592
The upstairs plumbing...
You don't wanna know.
593
Talk to me about
something important, honey.
594
How are things
with you and Pam?
595
They're great.
596
Because, you know,
after two years,
597
you have to work
to keep things going.
598
Does she still
climax regularly?
599
Mom.
600
You can't talk that way
this weekend, okay?
601
Honey, I'm just saying
602
I didn't raise you
to be a so-so lover.
603
I know.
Okay, what is he doing?
604
What?
Don't-- don't worry about them.
605
Mom, Mom,
606
you got to get these people
out of here now.
607
Okay.
608
Wipe that
little gloss off you.
609
Okay.
610
You hunt deer, Bernard?
611
What? No, I hate that thing.
612
Roz's father gave it to us.
613
He was into all that
macho-wacho crap.
614
Oh! So is Greg.
615
He and I went duck-hunting
together. Didn't we, Greg? Hmm?
616
Duck-hunting?
Me and you?
617
Duck-hunting?
Yeah. Mmm-hmm.
618
What? What?
619
Gay, you went duck-hunting
with-- with Jack?
620
Um, yeah. We went, we did.
621
We went
on a little hunting trip.
622
You shot a duck?
623
I shot at a duck and...
Mmm-hmm.
624
You killed an
innocent creature of the sky?
625
I don't... Did I...
I did... I don't...
626
I think
I might've clipped it or...
627
Never really checked.
628
Oh, Lord.
629
And now,
for the piece de resistance.
630
Oh, my goodness.
631
Little somethin'
I've been workin' on.
632
Oh, I see. Oh.
633
Mom will be out in a sec.
What's that?
634
It's you.
635
It's the Wall of Gaylord.
636
The Wall of Gaylord?
637
Isn't it nice to finally display
your accomplishments, Son?
638
Honey, look
at all your awards.
639
That's great.
640
He's my champion.
641
Oh, I didn't know
642
they made ninth place
ribbons.
643
Oh, Jack, they got them
all the way up to 10th place.
644
Hey! Anybody want to
get a drink by the lagoon?
645
This one looks impressive.
646
''Mazel tov, Gaylord M. Focker.
World?s Greatest Nurse.''
647
Very nice.
648
We've always tried
649
to instill a sense of self
in Gaylord
650
without being
too goal-oriented.
651
It's not about
winning or losing,
652
it's about passion.
653
We just want him
to love what he's doin'.
654
You know what I mean, Jack?
655
Not really, Bernard.
656
I think
a competitive drive
657
is the essential key
that makes America
658
the only remaining superpower
in the world today.
659
Well, whatever works.
Mmm-hmm.
660
All right. Don't
forget the positions.
661
Bye, Dr. Roz.
You're a lifesaver.
662
Oh, Thank you, BJ.
Goodbye.
663
Ira, remember,
easy on the thrusting.
664
You're not 78 anymore.
665
Bing, bang, bong.
666
What-- What kind of work does
your mother do with those patients?
667
Those look like yoga mats.
Is there yoga involved?
668
It's yogaesque.
669
It's sort of, um,
670
a, um, a-- a-- a
couples therapy.
671
Kind of mind-body...
672
It's kind of
her own sort of--
673
Rozela! Sweetheart,
living room!
674
Hello! Hello! Hello!
675
How are you, baby girl?
676
Good, Roz.
677
God! Look at you,
you're glowing!
678
Oh, thank you.
679
Hi, I'm Roz Focker
680
you must be Jack,
and you must be Dina.
681
Hi.
682
I-- I just can't believe
683
it's taken us
this long to meet, huh.
684
And who's
this little hairball?
685
They brought their grandson
Baby Jack along.
686
He's so adorable.
I could eat him up.
687
Bern, did you show them
where they're sleeping?
688
Right, right, right. Because we
don't have any air-conditioning,
689
I made up a nice spot for you in Roz's
office 'cause it gets the best breeze,
690
and it's very near
the communal commode.
691
Oh, well, you know, actually,
we're gonna stay in our motor home.
692
In the trailer?
693
Come on, Jack.
You're family.
694
We sleep under the same roof.
695
Actually, Mom's office
is kind of cluttered.
696
So, that-- that
works all right.
697
It's just really easier
with Little Jack.
698
No, no. Really.
We insist.
699
They wanna sleep
in the trailer,
700
let them sleep
in the trailer.
701
Mom, it's not actually--
It's not a trailer.
702
It's kind of like-- It's like
a-- like a hotel on wheels.
703
This is practically a hotel. I
was gonna do the turndown service--
704
I know, I know,
but it's their choice.
705
Wherever you feel
most comfortable is fine.
706
It's not right. Bern, let it go.
707
Let it go? Fine.
708
Yeah, let it go.
709
Look at you, sulking.
710
Now, look at this.
I married a teenager. Right?
711
At least you have the libido
of a teenager.
712
I gave her
a little matinee today--
713
Oh! Don't you dare!
Stop it!
714
How about a double feature?
715
Come on. Come on.
716
Lagoon? Why don't we go
show them the lagoon?
717
The lagoon.
Come see the lagoon.
718
The lagoon, Jack. Come on.
719
We'll get drunk,
720
we'll take a piss
in the lagoon.
721
Roz, why don't
you take them outside?
722
Show them around.
I'll make a drink.
723
Oh, God.
724
Hey, Dad--
725
It's going good
so far, right?
726
Dad, you gotta take down
that weird shrine thing.
727
But I'm very proud
of you, Gaylord.
728
What's wrong with showing it?
729
It's ridiculous.
730
Most people aren't proud
of sixth place ribbons.
731
Most people?
732
Since when do you care
about most people?
733
I don't, but Jack
is really into winning
734
and competition and sports.
735
It's a whole other thing
with him.
736
Hey. Hey. You're a winner
up here and in here.
737
And that's all that matters.
738
Okay. Thank you.
739
I don't know what that means,
but thank you.
740
So, to solve that problem,
741
I created a life-like
latex left breast
742
moulded from his mother's
actual left breast,
743
so this way L. J. would avoid
any nipple confusion.
744
You're avoiding confusion
by strapping a boob on a man?
745
Well, yes, believe it or not,
746
it is less confusing
because of the texture
747
Mom.
748
...of the breast itself.
749
Uh, I guess it's very,
uh, creative.
750
It's very creative.
751
A little birdie told me
that one of our guests here
752
is a Tom Collins man.
753
Oh, for pity's sake.
754
Isn't that nice, Jack?
755
That is nice. Thank you.
756
All right. Wait. Don't
drink. I want to make a toast.
757
Now,
I had a vasectomy in 1974...
758
'73, honey.
759
You're right. '73.
760
So, unfortunately, I never had
the chance to procreate a daughter,
761
but had I been able to,
762
I really
would've wanted a girl
763
as sensitive
and as intelligent
764
and as beautiful
765
as this young lady
sitting right here before us.
766
Thank you, Bernie.
767
And if I might add...
768
Greg.
769
Yeah.
770
I thought you had a sister?
771
Nope. No sister.
772
You said you had a sister.
773
You said
you milked your sister's cat.
774
Okay, I'm not done
yet. What I'm trying to say is,
775
it's taken far too long
to do this, you know,
776
but we're finally
all together.
777
That's nice, honey.
778
Oh, thank you.
779
All right, that's enough.
780
L'chaim, everyone.
781
L'chaim!
782
L'ha-ha.
783
Like you have popcorn
stuck in the throat. It's a...
784
Okay. To family.
785
To family.
786
Oh! I forgot.
787
I want to say one more
thing about my vasectomy.
788
Sit down.
789
Honey,
get yourself over here.
790
I went overboard?
791
A little bit.
792
You're so cute,
they'll forgive you anything.
793
God! You're so beautiful.
794
You are the sexiest
woman alive I know.
795
Mmm. You're just trying to
get me back into bed.
796
Or the hammock.
797
This is
a delicious Tom Collins.
798
What I did,
I used real lemon juice.
799
It's from our trees here.
That's the secret.
800
He was squeezing
all afternoon.
801
Yeah. And, Jack,
802
I managed to make some
lemon juice, too.
803
Gay, you all right?
804
Honey, you okay?
Are you sure?
805
Well, I think
806
that Roz and Bernie seem like
very nice people.
807
Oh! Very nice people.
808
A little off-colour,
but very nice.
809
Oh! But isn't it
wonderful, Jack?
810
After all this build-up,
811
the kids
are finally getting married.
812
I feel so happy.
813
Wait a second.
I think he just spoke.
814
Little Jack,
were you about to speak?
815
Nope,
just a little flatulence.
816
What were you saying, honey?
817
Nothing, dear.
818
Guys, where are you going?
819
We're checking out
Jack's macho-wacho trailer.
820
Yeah.
I want to see that boob.
821
Can I talk to you for a sec? Yeah.
822
Hey, listen, don't let Moses
go in there. They have a cat.
823
Moses is perfectly trained--
824
Dad, he humps
everything that moves.
825
Honey,
he's like his father.
826
I never cheated on you.
827
They're not listening to me.
828
So, what's up?
829
They seem to be getting along
really well, don't you think?
830
Yeah, they do. I know. I kind of
feel bad that I worried so much.
831
Yeah. That was okay.
832
What's going on?
833
I'm pregnant.
834
You're pregnant?
Mmm-hmm.
835
I'm two weeks late.
I'm nauseous,
836
my boobs hurt,
and I can smell everything.
837
You're gonna have a baby.
Yeah. A baby.
838
Oh, we're gonna
have a little baby, a baby.
839
I'm pregnant.
840
I just-- I...
841
Yeah.
842
Oh, shit!
843
You realize your father
is going to kill me?
844
No, no, no, no, no.
845
He's not gonna find out because
we're not going to tell him.
846
No, no, no, no, no. Come on.
He's a human lie detector.
847
He lives to sniff out
stuff like this.
848
We'll get
through this weekend,
849
we'll get through tomorrow.
850
And-- and-- and we'll tell
them on Sunday before we go.
851
Okay? We'll tell them all.
852
I just hate the idea of
keeping secrets from your dad.
853
It's just one little secret.
854
Oh! Hi, neighbours.
855
Hello.
856
The Fockers, honey.
857
A la fancy-shmancy.
858
Welcome to the chateau.
859
No wonder they don't want
to sleep in our shit box.
860
Look at this place.
861
I-- I don't think the dog
is such a good idea.
862
Don't worry. Moses is more
of a lover than a fighter.
863
Jesus!
Moses!
864
He's always dreamt of me
having a white wedding.
865
You don't know how upset
he's gonna be.
866
No, I do know.
867
Moses! Moses!
868
Jinxy!
869
Dad, I told you
to keep him out of the RV.
870
He said he
wanted to see the RV.
871
Dad!
872
Moses! Moses!
873
Get that goddamn dog out of here!
874
Mo!
875
Oh, God!
876
Dad!
877
Oh! Jinx.
878
Jinx, don't do it.
879
Jinxy, no.
880
Don't do it!
881
No!
882
Jesus! Moses! Hold on.
883
Moses, hold on.
I'm gonna save you!
884
The cat can flush?
885
Oh, my God!
886
Get out of the way!
887
Hey! What the hell are
you doing? That's my toilet!
888
I got to get my dog!
889
Forget your dog.
What about my toilet?
890
Moses!
891
No! Stop the baby! Stop the baby!
892
He's alive!
893
He's fine.
894
So much for the protection
of our rolling safe house.
895
Oh, honey, he was trying
to save his pet.
896
I mean, what if it was Jinxy
897
who got flushed
into a toilet?
898
Mr. Jinx has had
extensive aquatic training.
899
He would have known exactly what
to do in the event of a submersion.
900
20-minute warning for dinner,
guys. |
|